Thesis Statement Board, Richardson, 3rd Period

2/6/2018

Post your thesis statement rough draft here before 12:00am tonight. I will post my comments Wednesday so that you can make the appropriate adjustments. You are NOT required to read and comment on other's thesis statements at this point.

PROMPT: To what extent and in what ways did European powers develop different patterns of colonization in N. America? Support your answer with specific and relevant historical information from the period 1607 to 1754.

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42 Comments

Ashley Habig

2/10/2020 05:03:39 pm

Although European powers seemed to colonize North America at the same time using similar methods, they developed widely different patterns of colonization in terms of types traded goods, relationships with natives, and levels of religious tolerance.

Colin Richardson

2/21/2020 12:55:40 pm

Ms. Habig,
Good job structurally - you’ve hit all three components of a strong thesis statement.
I'd make the counterargument a bit more specific, although you'll of course develop it further later.
I like the balance of specificity and concision in your categories of argumentation.
Overall, excellent first effort.
-Mr. R

Gigi Pizzo

2/13/2020 03:53:53 pm

As North America was simultaneously being developed by multiple European powers, it was being constructed differently regarding to colonization patterns such as, trade, labor systems, and how it developed religiously.

Colin Richardson

2/21/2020 12:57:26 pm

Ms. Pizzo,
Good job structurally - you’ve hit all three components of a strong thesis statement.
re: "constructed differently" - your use of the passive voice here seems designed to not repeat language but actually muddies your point. You're arguing about the aforementioned european powers, not a nebulous colonization that had no actors.
Your counterargument doesn’t specifically counter your argument.
Good start!
-CR

Ava Marshall

2/13/2020 05:49:03 pm

Even though European powers settled in North America around the same time, it was being colonized differently in terms of the amount of religious tolerance, climate differences, and also the objectives of each European power.

Colin Richardson

2/21/2020 12:59:35 pm

Ms. Marshall,
Structurally sound. Your categories of argumentation are confusing, perhaps for the same reason as the use of the passive voice in Ms. Pizzo's thesis above (ie your use of the passive voice here seems designed to not repeat language but actually muddies your point. You're arguing about the aforementioned european powers, not a nebulous colonization that had no actors.). Colonizers didn't impact climate differences. Similarly, in the last one, you’re writing about motivation, but the prompt doesn’t ask about that.
So, big picture good things and quite a few areas of growth when we look at specifics.
Keep it up :)
-CR

Syam Mullapudi

2/13/2020 08:19:33 pm

Although there were a plethora of different European powers in the United States at approximately the same time, the differences in colonization was a result of religious tolerance, trade, and the main purposes of the Europeans making the decision to migrate to the Americans and start a new life.

Colin Richardson

2/21/2020 01:14:40 pm

Notes for Arora, Hafiz, Shanmugam, Baichwal, Li, Mullapudi
Your counter was some version of “Although the European powers colonized North America at relatively the same time”: when they colonized has nothing to do with PATTERNS of colonization. You’ve hit the structure of the counterargument but not the content.

Colin Richardson

2/21/2020 01:16:55 pm

Mr. Mullapudi,
Good job structurally - you’ve hit all three components of a strong thesis statement.
For the last category of argumentation, you’re writing about motivation, but the prompt doesn’t ask about that. Be sure to ANSWER the question to ACE the LEQ ;p
All best,
CR

Jiaying Li

2/13/2020 08:22:38 pm

Although most European powers began colonizing North America at around the same time, they developed different patterns of colonization in terms of their interactions with native peoples, purposes of establishing settlements, and labor systems.

Colin Richardson

2/21/2020 01:14:53 pm

Colin Richardson

2/21/2020 01:17:19 pm

Ms. Li,
Good job structurally - you’ve hit all three components of a strong thesis statement.
For the last category of argumentation, you’re writing about motivation, but the prompt doesn’t ask about that. Be sure to ANSWER the question to ACE the LEQ ;p
All best,
CR

Kaden Chay

2/13/2020 09:00:50 pm

Many empires took a shot at colonizing the new world, although through different intentions and strategies. When in the new world, the nations approaches to things like land distribution, native policy, and social classes.

Colin Richardson

2/21/2020 01:18:43 pm

Mr. Chay,
The thesis should be one sentence.
Re read these sentences and ask yourself if they communicate what you were trying to communicate.
When in doubt, keep it simple
All best,
CR

Natalie Johnson

2/13/2020 09:19:10 pm

From Europeans first colony at Jamestown to then forming the 13 colinies they have grown and seized opportunity in many ways such as, finding new religion, trading goods, and forming their own labor systems.

Natalie Johnson

2/13/2020 09:19:55 pm

^^^^^^ colonies

Colin Richardson

2/21/2020 01:20:05 pm

Ms. Johnson,
The first half of this will be developed further into contextualization. Good impulse but not exactly what the thesis is for. Be careful that your tense stays the same throughout (it should always be past tense) and active voice. Who "found" new religion in American colonization?

Rishika Baichwal

2/13/2020 09:21:20 pm

Although there were multiple European powers taking part in the colonization of North America at the same time, there are many different patterns which are seen in the types of cultures being imposed on Natives, the types of labor systems, and the relationships with the mother countries.

Colin Richardson

2/21/2020 01:15:01 pm

Colin Richardson

2/21/2020 01:20:54 pm

Ms. Baichwal,
Good job structurally - you’ve hit all three components of a strong thesis statement. Categories of argumentation are strong!
Keep it up,
Mr. Richardson

Urmila Shanmugam

2/13/2020 09:48:46 pm

Despite European powers colonizing North America around a relatively similar time period, colonization patterns differed due to religious preferences, settlement purposes, and various servitude systems.

Colin Richardson

2/21/2020 01:15:16 pm

Colin Richardson

2/21/2020 01:26:43 pm

Ms. Shanmugam, Good job structurally - you’ve hit all three components of a strong thesis statement. Categories of argumentation are strong, other than the second in which you’re writing about motivation, but the prompt doesn’t ask about that. It's possible to bring it around through argumentation but better to start pointed in the right direction.
Keep it up,
Mr. Richardson

Abhi Kandukuri

2/13/2020 09:49:14 pm

Europeans developed migration patterns influenced by different cultures, and the environment where the North Americans settled, and also competed with the American Indians for resources.

Colin Richardson

2/21/2020 01:28:43 pm

Mr. Kandukuri,
Read this sentence out loud to yourself and I bet you can improve it :) Reasonably good job answering the prompt, though I'd prefer you to be more direct. Your third category of argumentation doesn't match your claim. In general, these are dangerously bordering on tautology: european powers had different patterns because they are different countries and therefore different cultures.
Keep at it,
Mr. Richardson

Polyna Uzun

2/13/2020 10:40:40 pm

Upon the knowledge of land in the west, various European forces intruded upon Native land, each creating their own patterns of colonizations based on their cultural practices such as types of religion, pre-existing social classes, and different types of labor systems.

Colin Richardson

2/21/2020 01:30:26 pm

Ms. Usun,
Your introductory clauses are quite lovely. As we've discussed in class, ultimately you'll develop that idea further into contextualization. Good impulse but not exactly what the thesis is for. To the latter, you've got good structure. Keep it up!
All best,
CR

Zaid Sayeed

2/13/2020 11:01:39 pm

European powers influenced North America by colonizing various different lands and by establishing different communities based off factors such as area's economic opportunities, religion of the colonizers, conflicts over land use and the development of the institute of slavery.

Colin Richardson

2/21/2020 01:30:54 pm

Mr. Sayeed,
Nicely done! Try to develop a counterclaim next time.
All best,
CR

Omar Hafiz

2/13/2020 11:11:54 pm

Although many European powers were colonizing North America around the same time, they had different forms of settlement and colonizing which includes the religious views, economic structure, labor systems and relationships with native tribes.

Colin Richardson

2/21/2020 01:15:25 pm

Colin Richardson

2/21/2020 01:31:38 pm

Mr. Hafiz,
See the response below but otherwise very well done.
All best,
CR

Gabrielle Jones

2/13/2020 11:25:20 pm

Although all of the European colonizers brought changes to the land and people of the new world, their colonial styles differed in regards to religious preferences, interaction with native populations, and development of economic systems.

Colin Richardson

2/21/2020 01:32:17 pm

Ms. Jones,
Good job structurally - you’ve hit all three components of a strong thesis statement. Your counterargument doesn’t specifically counter your argument.
Keep it up!
Mr. Richardson

Abhiram Ghanta

2/14/2020 07:19:52 am

Although all the European colonizers sought to colonize the New World, the European colonizers differed in their labor systems, religious tolerance, economic systems, and relationships with native tribes.

Colin Richardson

2/21/2020 01:33:21 pm

Mr. Ghanta,
What does "colonizers sought to colonize" add? Good job structurally - you’ve hit all three components of a strong thesis statement. Please make sure to take an argumentative stance that directly responds to the prompt.
All best,
CR

Simar Arora

2/14/2020 07:35:34 am

Although the European powers colonized North America at relatively the same time, their patterns of colonizing were slightly different from each other in aspects such as: economic structures, labor systems, religious beliefs and tolerance, relationships the different native tribes , and social classes.

Colin Richardson

2/21/2020 01:15:36 pm

Colin Richardson

2/21/2020 01:34:11 pm

Ms. Arora,
Good job structurally - you’ve hit all three components of a strong thesis statement.
Your categories will need to be winnowed down. Economic structures and labor systems seems redundant, for example.
All best,
CR

Billy Cazola

2/14/2020 09:37:26 am

Even though homogenized patterns seemed to rise during European colonization, factors such as the political climate, differentiating trade systems, and overall objectives of each mother country played a role in influencing similar, but different systems of colonizing.

Colin Richardson

2/21/2020 01:01:43 pm

Billy,
I know you' didn't write "similar, but different systems" :) That won't do for complexity, but I see what you're trying for. Your counter-claim seems a bit fussy, but does the job.
Good job structurally - you’ve hit all three components of a strong thesis statement.
Overall it's not clear what your position is nor that the categories are fully aligned at proving that position. Keep at it.
All best,
CR

Soham Gotkhindikar

2/24/2020 10:58:23 am

Although European imperial powers had similar motives in their colonization of North America, their patterns of colonization differed in regards to labor systems, religious tolerance, and relationships with native peoples.

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